Well, I'm a MOM, so I'm giving you this from a MOM'S perspective, although there's a lot here for Dad's and probably a lot Dad's could add. And although this is mostly directed toward 'tweens, teens and young adults, it's good to apply to even younger kids -- after all they mature SO fast these days don't they?
Well, I'm a MOM, so I'm giving you this from a MOM'S perspective, although there's a lot here for Dad's and probably a lot Dad's could add. And although this is mostly directed toward 'tweens, teens and young adults, it's good to apply to even younger kids -- after all they mature SO fast these days don't they?
As parents, we get so busy with work, handling the home, activities, even church...that we forget what it was like to be a teenager or young adult. Although we think that our teens just want us to "leave them alone" in reality, they want and need to feel our affection and attention. Teens are trying to discover who they are. This may start in the early teens and continue for a very long time. I mean really, have any of us actually "discovered" ourselves still? But remember when we were young -- teenage to early adulthood -- when we were looking for our future -- something to hope for?
When they reach tween-teen-young adult ages, they don't need us to do as much for them personally. I mean they can go get themselves some tea from the refrigerator or stick a hot pocket in the microwave. They can easily choose their outfits (although they don't seem to know where the clothes go when they remove them from their bodies!). They're independent -- and there's a fine line between our allowing them to be independent and discover themselves, and still having an impact on their lives that will guide them.
Personally, my first suggestion is to take a look at ourselves and get a revelation that they are a product of their environment. What can we personally do to encourage them to have a can-do attitude in life and that the sky's the limit? Well, we can lay down our own pride and talk to them, straight in the face -- eye to eye-- and tell them we love them. Tell them we know we're not perfect and sometimes not the perfect examples, but that they can learn from our life mistakes and trials, and learn what NOT to do in some cases.
It's just SO important for us to make a point of remembering to connect with our kids -- especially in the teen to young adult years. Make it a habit to kiss your son or daughter before they leave for school or goodnight or BOTH. They're never too old for this. They may bristle at first, but take my word for it; they will love and admire you for forcing yourself on them later on.
Ask them questions like "How are you doing?", or "Is there anything you want to talk about," and when they say "no", which they mostly will, say "Will you promise to talk to me if anything comes up?” They'll almost always say "yes" to that. Tell them you love them, that God loves them, and that you will always be there for them. Some parents may not agree with me on this but I personally believe that nosy is good. I tell them I'm nosy, I make no excuses for being nosy, and I tell their friends I'm nosy. Nothing in my house (or vehicles) is off limits to me -- I can look through anything I want to, including a computer, cell phone or ipod, and I don't care what they think about it and they know I don't bluff on this one.
I make a point of knowing their friends, and getting their cell phone numbers, and giving them mine. This has PROVEN to be a good thing, when in a couple of instances there was a little "issue" and I got a phone call from one of these young people with some kind of weird situation or news. I pay attention to their dates and their friends, ask about how their lives are, tell them I'm praying for them and show a genuine concern for them and futures. I encourage them and correct them all in the same sentance most of the time, and it's funny how they come to me for advice or secrets. They trust me. The rewards are great -- like hugs, text messages or comments on facebook from my kids’ friends just saying "hello" or "have a great day". But mostly, just satisfaction in knowing I'm trying to guide them to the right path in life. I make sure my own kids as well as their friends know that they can and SHOULD call me if they ever find themselves in a situation that they discover they shouldn’t be -- like driving and drinking, at a party where there are drugs, or a date that goes sour. I tell them I will come get them even if it's in the middle of the night AND help them deal with it. Connecting with your kids friends is vital!
And here is a BIG ONE: Promise your sons and daughters not to freak out if (and when) problems arise. After all, most of us are Christians, so "emergency" times are what we are supposed to be prepared for, right? If you can remain calm and use wisdom and remember God's in control in those times when we're required to act fast because of a situation in their lives, then they won't be afraid to call on you for help next time. Let them know you will be there for them if and when they need help. This works!
And sometimes it's best to let the dust settle before you lower the boom on them with discipline or correction. Ranting and raving (in the words of my very own mom) never works -- it just makes things escalate. Purpose to let the adrenaline level out first, and decide in your mind first what kind of discipline (if discipline is necessary) would be most effective, instead of spouting out things that we never seem to follow through on. Many parents complain about their young people being so addicted to cell phones, but to me it's a blessing -- because it's a really, really good discipline tool. It's the # 1 form of effective discipline at my house -- because taking away their cell phone is worse than almost anything to them!
Displaying love, peace and patience in our own lives will do wonders for guiding them. No, no, no.....you don't understand.....showing them and telling them is necessary! Doing this is sometimes harder for us to start than we'd like to admit, but once we've broken the ice and gotten over our pride, then it's smooth sailing the rest of the journey. Young people are not stupid, although they seem to have no sense sometimes. But they are VERY perceptive. They're also very impressionable, even though they already think they know more than we do. It's kind of like when my son was little, he liked to draw in church. He'd sit there and draw pictures during the wholes service and I'd worry thinking "He is not paying attention at all to the message at all!" But then low and behold, on the way home he'd pop up with some question about what the preacher was saying! They DO hear, even though it doesn't seem like they listen -- so show them and tell them anyway!
Here are a few things you can SAY to them, and I know there are so many more that could be added, but it's a start!
1. I love you.
2. You are precious to me.
3. I'm blessed to have you in my life.
4. You simply amaze me.
5. You are priceless.
6. You bring joy to my life.
7. I appreciate you.
8. You are important to me.
9. I'm thankful for you.
10. You're one in a million.
11. You can do all things through Christ, who gives you strength! (Philippians 4:13)
12. You are so pretty/handsome!
13. Thank you for being here for me
14. Follow your dreams -- I'll help you!
15. That outfit looks so good on you!
16. God made you himself and you are special!
17. I really do pray for you!
18. You're so talented.
19. You are so smart!
20. I'm so proud of you!
And my all time favorite -- for when there is conflict between them and their so-called friends sometimes due to jealousy or gossip or a multitude of other teen issues:
"If you were them, you'd be jealous of you too!"
And parents, keep them covered with prayers constantly. Ask God to protect them, to break soul ties with anyone or anything that would harm them spiritually, emotionally or physically. Ask the Holy Spirit to convict them when they are tempted to sin and Jesus to give them strength to remember that He is praying for them too!
God bless ya'll!
Linda Wilson
Written 2-2-11
As parents, we get so busy with work, handling the home, activities, even church...that we forget what it was like to be a teenager or young adult. Although we think that our teens just want us to "leave them alone" in reality, they want and need to feel our affection and attention. Teens are trying to discover who they are. This may start in the early teens and continue for a very long time. I mean really, have any of us actually "discovered" ourselves still? But remember when we were young -- teenage to early adulthood -- when we were looking for our future -- something to hope for?
When they reach tween-teen-young adult ages, they don't need us to do as much for them personally. I mean they can go get themselves some tea from the refrigerator or stick a hot pocket in the microwave. They can easily choose their outfits (although they don't seem to know where the clothes go when they remove them from their bodies!). They're independent -- and there's a fine line between our allowing them to be independent and discover themselves, and still having an impact on their lives that will guide them.
Personally, my first suggestion is to take a look at ourselves and get a revelation that they are a product of their environment. What can we personally do to encourage them to have a can-do attitude in life and that the sky's the limit? Well, we can lay down our own pride and talk to them, straight in the face -- eye to eye-- and tell them we love them. Tell them we know we're not perfect and sometimes not the perfect examples, but that they can learn from our life mistakes and trials, and learn what NOT to do in some cases.
It's just SO important for us to make a point of remembering to connect with our kids -- especially in the teen to young adult years. Make it a habit to kiss your son or daughter before they leave for school or goodnight or BOTH. They're never too old for this. They may bristle at first, but take my word for it; they will love and admire you for forcing yourself on them later on.
Ask them questions like "How are you doing?", or "Is there anything you want to talk about," and when they say "no", which they mostly will, say "Will you promise to talk to me if anything comes up?” They'll almost always say "yes" to that. Tell them you love them, that God loves them, and that you will always be there for them. Some parents may not agree with me on this but I personally believe that nosy is good. I tell them I'm nosy, I make no excuses for being nosy, and I tell their friends I'm nosy. Nothing in my house (or vehicles) is off limits to me -- I can look through anything I want to, including a computer, cell phone or ipod, and I don't care what they think about it and they know I don't bluff on this one.
I make a point of knowing their friends, and getting their cell phone numbers, and giving them mine. This has PROVEN to be a good thing, when in a couple of instances there was a little "issue" and I got a phone call from one of these young people with some kind of weird situation or news. I pay attention to their dates and their friends, ask about how their lives are, tell them I'm praying for them and show a genuine concern for them and futures. I encourage them and correct them all in the same sentance most of the time, and it's funny how they come to me for advice or secrets. They trust me. The rewards are great -- like hugs, text messages or comments on facebook from my kids’ friends just saying "hello" or "have a great day". But mostly, just satisfaction in knowing I'm trying to guide them to the right path in life. I make sure my own kids as well as their friends know that they can and SHOULD call me if they ever find themselves in a situation that they discover they shouldn’t be -- like driving and drinking, at a party where there are drugs, or a date that goes sour. I tell them I will come get them even if it's in the middle of the night AND help them deal with it. Connecting with your kids friends is vital!
And here is a BIG ONE: Promise your sons and daughters not to freak out if (and when) problems arise. After all, most of us are Christians, so "emergency" times are what we are supposed to be prepared for, right? If you can remain calm and use wisdom and remember God's in control in those times when we're required to act fast because of a situation in their lives, then they won't be afraid to call on you for help next time. Let them know you will be there for them if and when they need help. This works!
And sometimes it's best to let the dust settle before you lower the boom on them with discipline or correction. Ranting and raving (in the words of my very own mom) never works -- it just makes things escalate. Purpose to let the adrenaline level out first, and decide in your mind first what kind of discipline (if discipline is necessary) would be most effective, instead of spouting out things that we never seem to follow through on. Many parents complain about their young people being so addicted to cell phones, but to me it's a blessing -- because it's a really, really good discipline tool. It's the # 1 form of effective discipline at my house -- because taking away their cell phone is worse than almost anything to them!
Displaying love, peace and patience in our own lives will do wonders for guiding them. No, no, no.....you don't understand.....showing them and telling them is necessary! Doing this is sometimes harder for us to start than we'd like to admit, but once we've broken the ice and gotten over our pride, then it's smooth sailing the rest of the journey. Young people are not stupid, although they seem to have no sense sometimes. But they are VERY perceptive. They're also very impressionable, even though they already think they know more than we do. It's kind of like when my son was little, he liked to draw in church. He'd sit there and draw pictures during the wholes service and I'd worry thinking "He is not paying attention at all to the message at all!" But then low and behold, on the way home he'd pop up with some question about what the preacher was saying! They DO hear, even though it doesn't seem like they listen -- so show them and tell them anyway!
Here are a few things you can SAY to them, and I know there are so many more that could be added, but it's a start!
1. I love you.
2. You are precious to me.
3. I'm blessed to have you in my life.
4. You simply amaze me.
5. You are priceless.
6. You bring joy to my life.
7. I appreciate you.
8. You are important to me.
9. I'm thankful for you.
10. You're one in a million.
11. You can do all things through Christ, who gives you strength! (Philippians 4:13)
12. You are so pretty/handsome!
13. Thank you for being here for me
14. Follow your dreams -- I'll help you!
15. That outfit looks so good on you!
16. God made you himself and you are special!
17. I really do pray for you!
18. You're so talented.
19. You are so smart!
20. I'm so proud of you!
And my all time favorite -- for when there is conflict between them and their so-called friends sometimes due to jealousy or gossip or a multitude of other teen issues:
"If you were them, you'd be jealous of you too!"
And parents, keep them covered with prayers constantly. Ask God to protect them, to break soul ties with anyone or anything that would harm them spiritually, emotionally or physically. Ask the Holy Spirit to convict them when they are tempted to sin and Jesus to give them strength to remember that He is praying for them too!
God bless ya'll!
Linda Wilson
Written 2-2-11
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